spreading out

This work thing sure does throw a wrench into my day. I have (somewhat) settled in to my new job. I have two girls who sit to my left and a window on my right. I get the feeling that before I got there, they barely spoke to one another. That's just how I roll. This week I remembered how boring office work can be. Sure, it makes your day go by quickly- most of the time, but there really is no excitement in it at all. UNLESS YOU MAKE SOME. This must be why I feel like those girls didn't talk much before. Suddenly, they seem to be mischievous at work! Long before I got there, someone dubbed our row of cubicles "cell block A." We heard about that today and in keeping with that context, Tara, the tattooed vixen who sits on the end, promptly dubbed her self TBone, and made Katie, the girl who sits between Tara and I -who seems to be of the sweet/southern variety, her bitch. I decided to be Miss Hizzle, maker of shivs. That's quality work entertainment.

Back to my original thought. My day is much more spread out in some ways and compact in others. On the one hand, I get up much earlier and am actually earning money for the work I am doing. My day is therefore longer and more monetarily productive as well. On the other hand, because my day is longer and I'm adding a 35 to 40 minute drive each way, it seems much, much shorter. I get up, get ready for work. I work. I drive home from work. I eat and/or make dinner. I facecrack. I go to sleep.

How on earth do people find time to workout? Or spend time with their families? Or do a DIY project? Or do yard work? Or eat a meal that is totally healthy? Or live a healthier lifestyle? Or have sex? I am so friggin' tired when I get home that I barely have the energy to make dinner. Maybe I am still adjusting. I sure hope so. Because if I have to quit sex all together and feel my ass getting bigger and bigger all day long in that office chair, I'm not gonna make it. Oh, and uh, I guess I'd like to see my family some, too.

Just sayin'.

Why I can't stop thinking about WATERMELON.

The lovely Jenny Woodall brought a diet to my attention recently, and being the half brain that I am, I decided to try it. Let me preface everything by saying, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON A DIET. Nope, I'm not kidding. I have cut cokes out, I've tried the vegetarian lifestyle, but I have never followed anything that had more than 1 rule to it.

The diet is similar to Atkins. It's a diet doctors put by-pass patients on to lose weight before surgery and goes like this;

Breakfast: 2 Eggs, 2 slices of bacon, and half a grapefruit or 4oz grapefruit juice
Lunch: Salad with any amount and kind of dressing, meat any style, any amount
Dinner: Grapefruit again, Meat-any style any amount, veggies- any style any amount.

Drink 1/4 cup of this mixture, one time a day: 64oz Unsweetened Apple Juice, 48oz unsweetened white grape juice, 8oz Apple Cider Vinegar. (I suggest you chug it, it's not that great.)

You can use as much butter and seasoning as you like. Cokes must be decaffeinated and diet, but it's better to drink water.

Here's what you can't have: white vegetables, cheese, desserts, bread, sweet potatoes, fruit or celery.

You follow this menu for 12 days, then you get 2 cheat days. You can lose up to 12 pounds in the 12 days and you can continue the diet like this until you reach your goal. If you did it for 2 and a half months: that's 52 pounds!

Oh my GAWD, I am in Sugar Withdrawals. Not as bad as Mark though. He lost caffeine and sugar in the deal. So, I think he got the crappiest end of the stick. I had NO IDEA how much sugar I was eating. The headache has been going strong for two days now, but it's dwindling. The hardest part is figuring out what to make for dinner. It sucks eating salad for two meals, so I have been trying to come up with some interesting concoctions. Last night we had lettuce wraps with chicken and bacon. Tonight we had sausage with peppers. If you have any ideas, PLEASE SHARE. I am terrible with making stuff up- and if you won't do it for me, think of Mark. He's being deprived of caffeine!!

We've both been a little cranky, but in the end, it's for the best. I was thinking earlier about how hard it is to not cheat, when a thought entered my head: How hard will it be in 30 years to do this? I am thinking way harder. And Arby's.