Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Neil Sedaka had it right. Breaking up is hard to do.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a friend where you just weren't on the receiving end of that friendship in a really long time? You'd been there for that person for one reason or another, over and over again, but never really got anything in return? This is my status at the present. A person who I have thought of as more than just a friend, like family, really, has put me in this situation.

I think I may have to break up with him. I've put a lot of thought into this. I've asked myself how much does this person mean to me and is the thought of losing him as part of my life really so terrible? I have to say, it's still a little unclear to me at this point. When I think about all the good times we've had versus the bad, it's pretty equal. I have been watching him spiral down further and further. I have made my want to help him apparent, we've discussed it time and time again, but nothing has changed. Well, maybe that's not true. I think things have gotten progressively worse for him in the past year especially. What to do? If a person doesn't want to help themselves, you can't make them. Do you let the part of yourself that is connected to that person suffer as well? And how much suffering is too much suffering?

The part that I keep grappling with is that this person was THERE for me when my dad died. He was present in my home for weeks afterward, watching over me while Mark was at work. He was the best thing I could have asked for -aside from Mark, in the weeks that followed my fathers' death. Silent most of the time, but always willing to talk at the most inopportune moments- like at 3AM when I just needed to cry. I suppose I am just feeling guilty about toying with the thought of cutting him out when he was the one who encouraged me so much in a time that I need it the most. Which brings me to my next point. He was GOOD to me in that period of time, but I allowed it and let the goodness in. What if I am not the person he is going to let in to help him, no matter how much I would like to be? Not that this bothers me at all. I just want him to be that person again. The one I KNEW. I don;'t know this person or how to help him. He builds his wall up faster than I can take the bricks down. I don't want to be forced to break up with someone I consider family and that's what this feels like.

Any advice? I'm all ears.

Rachel Getting Married

One of the movies to see I wrote about in a previous blog was Rachel Getting Married. Anne Hathaway was nominated for an Academy award for her role in this film. I finally got to see it today, and it did not disappoint. I was intrigued by the topic of the film- I actually wasn't sure what it was about, so imagine my surprise when it turns out to be about a girl getting out of rehab just in time to attend her sister's wedding. Anne Hathaway was brilliant in this movie. It has lots of textures musically, which I always enjoy and I'm guessing it was a tough call for the academy this year when they chose Penelope Cruz for her work in Vicky Christina Barcelona. Penelope was FANTASTIC in her role, but I'm not sure she would have landed my vote over Anne.

Ah Anne. We love you so...

You gotta give 'em hope

Go watch Milk. It came out today on DVD and was on my list of acadamy award winners to watch.

It's message is moving and very real. It's hard to believe 30 years later, we're still fighting for Gay rights.

Are we starved?

Did romance die or just evolve? This question came from thinking about a certain book. A certain set of books, really. The Twilight Saga. You've heard of them, yes? Surely you have. Everyone who's anyone has heard of Twilight.

Sorry to insult of if you haven't- I'll move on, but this post will be boring for you people living under rocks without Twilight access. I was hesitant to really post anything about these books, having read them long, long ago, myself, I was a little bummed out when they got all hyped. I do that for some reason. I get all defensive and like to keep things small, because they are usually better that way. For the record, I loved these books. Every woman has that fantasy of being worshiped, right? Anyway, when the movie came out, I went to see it by myself. Apparently lots of other ladies did that Friday morning as well, because there was only one guy in the theatre (which was full) and I think they made him check his balls at the front door when he bought the ticket.

Back to my original thought. Are we starved for romance? Edward was that old fashioned, open the door for a lady, no sex before marriage, take her to a secluded field so she can marvel at your diamond encrusted body, kiss you on the forehead, give you anything you want kind of romance going on. Basically, everyone is salivating over this make believe man. And can we help it? I think the answer must be no. Those expectations are so unrealistic, no wonder teenage girls are running around with team Edward and team Jacob shirts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not man bashing here, just being honest. Do we really expect our husbands and boyfriends and lovers to be like this?. And what of we were all like Bella, whining, crying, falling down all the time, pitching a fit to get our way... or wait... are we? Is that why the romance died?

...Note to self. Be less like Bella, more like ....hmmm... I will have to get back to myself on that thought later...

Alas, I think the answer is simple. We may be starving ourselves through our own actions. They do tend to speak louder than words. Romance evolved because women and men have evolved. Does anyone know how to "unevolve" romance?

*Honey if you are reading this, I do think it's very romantic when you kiss me on the forehead just so you wont get lip "gunk" on your lips.

Into the time Capsule!

Recently, I have been watching what I will refer to as "Period Movies". Everyone has seen one, I am sure, but I have fallen into a rut with them. A rut I am very happy to never come out of, to be quite honest. Here are my recent faves:

Pride and Prejudice (with Keira Knightly)
Quills (with Kate Winslet- it's older and about a man in a mental institution who write scandalous love stories)
Amazing Grace (I didn't know any of the actors in this film, but it's about the abolition of slavery in England and freaking rocked.)
The Duchess (Keira Knightly again)
The Other Boleyn Girl (Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johanssen)
Marie Antoinette (Kirstin Dunst- it's about King Louie and his wife who said "let them eat cake")
Becoming Jane (Anne Hathaway- this one is about Jane Austen's life before she became a writer)
Atonement (Keira Knightly this one's about two people who fell in love and someone misinterpreting their love for one another)


All of these movies are set in England or France in between the 1700's and Early 1800's.
I love everything about them, the rich culture of Early France with it's gilded piping and floral patterns to English men and their way of always bowing to a lady. Love it, Love it, Love it.

If you are a geek like me, you will probably like these quite a bit.

P.S Why don't we talk this way anymore?

Past Nightmare comes to Life

One of the best perks about getting married is that your days of dating are behind you. No more creepy blind dates, no nervousness about what the perfect outfit to wear might be, no more having to shave your legs EVERYDAY and the best part for me personally no more fear of being stood up. (I'm sensitive and self conscious, so yeah, that was definitely a worry for me).

Apparently, I was wrong. I got stood up today for a lunch date. The funniest part about this situation is I was supposed to have lunch with a former boyfriend turned friend, of both Mark and myself. In case it is unknown to you, Monday is MY day. I don't set my alarm on Mondays, I don't really do anything on Mondays that isn't fun for ME. Judge me if you want, but I don't have kids, and I know that when I do, days like my Mondays will vanish into thin air altogether, so no, I don't feel guilty when right now, I sleep until 1 o'clock on Monday afternoon. So there. Anyway, Monday being my day, I don't usually arrange lunch dates, but I had to, and for the sake of privacy to my friend, I won't mention why. I SET MY ALARM ON A MONDAY. I PUT MAKE UP ON BEFORE NOON ON A MONDAY. I WASHED MY HAIR ON MONDAY.

You get the idea. So I was pretty pissed off when he didn't show. What makes matters worse is that he did return my voice mail later, saying "Did we plan that for today? I didn't realize we had set anything up concrete." I was irrationally mad. Seeing red and all that.

Maybe I sound like a really picky princess here, but I really don't care. Judge me if you will. I think I got the crappy end of the stick today, no matter how you look at it. Poor Monday was probably very lonely without me this morning. And I got stood up. Crappy and Humiliating.

I had a dream.. and it was weird.

I had a very strange dream the other night. Really weird. I dreamed that one of those buckets you get in to ride the Farris wheel on, fell out of the sky into my back yard. There were people in it. People I didn't know or recognize. They asked me if they could buy my camera. I sold it to them for 50 bucks. Mark took the money and bought me a new one at the Dollar General. I was really mad because He bought me a disposable camera and the one I sold was a digital.

Told you it was weird.

Also, the dream dictionary had nothing to say about my dream. Nothing about Farris wheel buckets, the sky, or Dollar General either. It was so unfair!