Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Completely Gratutitous

Now that I am in a better mood, I thought I would reflect on my past blog.. you know the one I am talking about. There are times in a person's life when talking things out isn't really enough- these are the times when I turn to my blog. I have always been a writer, of sorts. When I was little and my mom would get upset with me about something, I would write her an apology letter, because I hated that I had disappointed her. As an adult, I write Mark a letter sometimes for him to find before work. Writing makes me feel better, because I let my true feelings pour out. When talking to someone, sometimes I feel like I have to edit and try to be tactful. In a letter, I am more inclined to be blunt and harsh, and sometimes that is exactly what a person needs, whether or not the things they say are true, or just meant to hurt someone in that exact moment, sometimes a person just has to be that REAL.

In the exact moment I was writing my blog, there were a lot of things bothering me that I needed to let out. However, making the things that were bothering me public knowledge wasn't a good idea- because I was worrying over someones problems that were not my own, so the venting didn't really help me at all. The only things that have made me feel any better are the power of prayer, and talking to Mark. I am overcome by the compassion and heartfelt conversations he has given to me in the past few days. Today, my words fail me in thanking him. God made Mark's presence in my life nearly 10 years ago and fork in the road for me. We had never been more than friends, and one day I simply saw him in a different light. I chose the path that brought us closer together and the poor guy did too. For me, it's hard to imagine being anymore thankful to God for putting Mark in my life, but each day he shows me a new reason to love, cherish and adore him.

Today I am thankful, and putting it into words is what makes me feel good.

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