Thursday, July 28, 2011

all the crying

Hi y'all! There's no easy spin on this...I'm still in therapy. It's a REALLY good thing. I love it more and more each time I go. With any kind of happiness comes responsibility and work. Oh my God, the WORK. I've been talking to my therapist about understanding myself a little better. In other words, I am trying to figure out who I am really am, and the kind of person I want to be. FOR ME.

Judy says (Oh, my therapists name is Judy, by the way) that every big thing is comprised of many, many little things. A relatively simple thing at first but when you are thinking in terms of who you are, it's kind of complex really. Anyway, tonight, I was thinking about myself and the tiniest things that make me...well, me. I thought of a few and since this blog is a place that I frequent on a fairly regular basis, I thought I would keep a running list here. When I can't remember who I am, I will know where to look.

* I cry in Military situations. I mean all of them. Any sign of bravery or valiance, courage or patriotism and I weep. I hear the National Anthem, see the American flag blowing in the breeze, or even those sappy shows that show the soldier coming home from Iraq to surprise his family. It's all waterworks. I think it's the sense of pride that wells up inside of me, and then I am quite overcome. I guess I am very proud of our service men and women.

*I really am a southern girl. I like ice tea and football on fall Saturdays. I can shout at a coach (or the TV) about a bad call on fourth and long with the best of the men in my family and many of my girlfriends can do the same thing. I like to go hunting, even if I'm not shooting the gun and waiting to capture the perfect sunrise with my camera. I chased lightening bugs as a little kid and put them in mason jar with holes poked in the lid. I know when to say 'Yes Ma'am' and Thank You, and I know how to cross my legs without making them go numb. I have a mouth like a sailor, and know when it's time to shut the hell up. Rides in a truck on a sunny afternoon with the windows rolled down make me smile. Amazing Grace always makes me cry. I'm Southern and I like that.

*I really love animals. I can appreciate most insects, even- as long as they are at a safe distance. If you have read this blog with any regularity, you know how much I love my dogs. (And any other person's dog, for that matter.) I'm allergic to cats, so I'm not as fond of them as some people might be, but no one- not even me, can deny how cute kittens are. Even the critters of the animal kingdom I don't like have a beauty that can be appreciated. Over the fourth of July while camping, I had to pee. I was headed back to the latrine when I felt something stick to my arm. I had very nearly walked into a very large spider web. Goosebumps on my arms, I very gingerly backed away. I took out my sure fire and aimed. Just above the high beam of the light sat a spider. Her web was very simple. She was carefully wrapping a small moth that had the bad luck of flying into her strings. I sat there for a moment, taking it in, shivered and went to retrieve my friend Jackson, who likes spiders. He told me a lot about her, which I appreciated and then we left her alone. (I found a new place to pee.) Really, the only animals I don't appreciate are ticks and mosquitoes. I know they have purpose too, spreading disease and all, but I just have no use for them, myself. My love for animals is very healthy. A part of myself that I could develop more. I like that.

That's all for now.... Hopefully, there will be more to come. Slowly, as I work on it...but surely.

*Foolish Games- Jewel

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