Thirty- Insight

My last post of the 30 days of 30 starts now. : ) I can't say how good it has felt, writing each day. Granted, most of the stuff is boring to most people probably, but I can't help but think that it hones my writing skills and helps to clear my mind. Most of the stuff I write about here is family related or event related, but it felt so good to write about the everyday normal happenings as well. My blog has become a diary of sort in the last month. A diary that is in no way personal or private because, well, it's at the mercy of the Internet. It also feels pretty damn good to acknowledge to other people that I am not a perfect person, daughter, sister, wife or friend, but what I have learned (and will probably have to continue to learn) is that no one is perfect at anything they do. Even star athletes, celebrities and rocket scientists have off days. While other peoples lives may certainly seem perfect, they are in fact flawed as well. Some people are just afraid to admit it and try to keep up the facade of a picture perfect life. That said, I don't know which is harder...struggling to admit our imperfections or struggling to hide them.

From here on out, I may or may not post everyday. As much as I would like to, I also really need a job. I'm fortunate enough to stay home, but not sane enough to do it all day by myself. I need more interaction with people than just the Internet and Facebook, and that's a totally different compulsion all together. Turning thirty did have its thought provoking side and there are a more than a few things I have realized about myself.  1. I may be a hypochondriac. 2. I have to stop setting myself up for expectations for which I cannot possibly attain. 3. I need to work on me. A whole lot. The things I'm doing to remedy these things? 1. Today I had a physical. Yes, I faced fate and after blood results come in tomorrow, I will know pretty resolutely if there is anything wrong with me other than being crazy. 2. I'm setting smaller goals and going to try to maintain attainable parameters of each one. 3. I'm in therapy. There are just somethings (at this point) which I cannot discuss with the Internet. This is frustrating because I really love to spill my guts about most things here and there are just a few things that are untouchable, but only because they are not my stories to tell.

There is something I would like to tell all of you. You being any person that stumbles across this blog post and who cares about me. Many of you do not realize how nice it is to have someone who will listen silently, or give constructive feedback and I am sure there is an equal number of you who do know how nice that feels. So, thank you for listening. From the bottom of my heart. Especially when I get on tangents or feel low and sound depressing. Thank you for understanding. Thanks for liking me anyway.

*How Deep is Your Love- The Bee Gees

29 + Enzo

Today was your average day. I got up, showered, got dressed and then ate breakfast. This afternoon I went to the grocery store with one of my favorite people in the world, and now I am waiting on Mark to get home so he can grill some chicken for the Mexican Fiesta I am making. Just a regular day. : )

I did get to work on the bookshelf last night, and in record time, I finished The Art of Racing in the Rain. So, so good, people. The book is written from a TV watching dog named Enzo's perspective. It's light hearted with some really deep stuff in it, made simple to read and understand because it comes from a canine perspective. Think Marley and Me but not so sad at the end. I cried for days over Marley and Me. The book is thought provoking, but obviously a very easy read. I chewed through it and would reread it, I liked it so much.

My favorite quote from the book is:


"That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves"

— Garth Stein
 
 
*Be Good to Yourself- Journey

a very happy birthday

Today I turned 30. Whoop, whoop, ding, ding! 30 feels pretty great. My birthday was very chill and simple. Exactly what I wanted. I was surrounded by family and had red velvet cake for breakfast/lunch. A pretty sweet way to start out my 30's. I did my elaborate post last night, so today I'll keep it simple with pictures. My grandfather (Gia) also had a birthday today! He's 89 and a real gem.

We look pretty dang good, I think! Ryan helped me open some of my gifts...and then we helped "pawpaw" open his, too... always the little helper, that one. : )

I feel like rockin' out, but since I turned 30, I think I'll just chill instead.

Demanding a new level of respect, youngins'.

*Birthday- The Beatles (because it fits.)

backwards and forwards

Sitting down to write this entry is a lot harder than I thought it would be. If you had asked me when I was 15 where I would be when I turned 30, the answer probably would have been similar to this: Married with 2 kids, teaching school, white picket fence, etc.  If you had asked me the same question when I was 20, I would probably responded with: Married, kids, doing my part in making the world a better place, settling down. If you had asked me the same question a mere 5 years ago, I still wouldn't have the right answer. Predicting the future for ones self is tough. There is no glass orb into which we can look and decide if the direction our life is going is the path we want to stay on; or even like. In 2 hours and some change I turn 30. Am I where I thought I would be? No. Do I like where I am? I do.

The one thing I got right was marriage. I'm very lucky in the sense that I seem to have found the one person in the world that I can't (or wouldn't want) to live without. Mark is right for me in all of the ways that matter most. I believe God picked him especially for me and I am so thankful for that. The kid department is where I missed. I really want to have children, and soon. You know, when I was about 10 I told people I didn't want to have kids. It wasn't until about five years later that I considered having any. Now, I can't think of anything I would like more than to expand my family. It's funny how our priorities and wants change as we get older, isn't it? As far as a profession goes, I still really don't know what I want to do. It's hard to grasp that maybe I'm not meant to be anything wildly impressive. Those are bonds that are tough to shake, because as a child, I was told I would go to college, and become a teacher, or a lawyer or a doctor. Missed there, too, but I am ever so slowly beginning to realize it's not about what you do or have, it's who and what you are. The idea sounds simple, but it's actually much, much harder to grasp. I don't think I'm settling, I just think I am realizing finally that I can do whatever it is that I want. I just don't know yet what that is... but I think I'll get there. On the world, I can think of so many lessons I have learned and things I've seen that might make the world a better place. The thing is, I think until everyone gets it, that might be a bigger hunk to chew on than I am seriously capable of. I think I'll just go on trying to recycle, trying to be a good person and trying to see the good in people.

I have settled down. A lot. I used to think of myself as a wild horse, unable to be broken, and in some ways, I still am. I just don't drink like a fish anymore, hop into some random guys van to go hear a concert or be quite as naieve as I used to be, but I still love to dress quirky, sing loudly in the car and rescue animals off of the side of the road. All good things, I think. Less spontaneous, but more wise. Wisdom seems to be a gift we are given gradually. Which tends to suck from time to time, but usually we learn the secrets we need along the way.

As for the future, like I said before, I have no idea where I will be in another 10 years. Which is exciting now, instead of scary- there's some wisdom! What I would like to see is a few kids, some adventure, many good laughs, a hobby I feel talented at and Love. Ooodles and Oooodles of Love. I think I'm on the right track and if I don't get too scared this might just be the best ride I've ever been on. 30 feels pretty damn good, and technically, I'm just trying it on. I still have another 2 hours and 15 minutes to be 29. The last hours of my twenties have been pretty sweet. I'm looking forward to things unknown and although the unknown can be scary, my biggest hope for my self is to just embrace it. To live in each moment and try hard, so hard not to constantly look for bigger and better things...because sometimes the best gift is the present. And I have an awesome partner in crime to share it with....

Happy Birthday, to....me. Well, almost..

: )

*Raise Your Glass- Pink

shopping

Day 27. Mark took me shopping for my birthday today-which technically isn't until tomorrow, but I was game! We scoped out Old Navy and wouldn't you know, I didn't find anything I liked. : ( Highly unusual for me! I did find several things at borders I like though. The bookshelf is going to get some attention next month!

*Source

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Mark got a book too.....

*Source

Isn't he cute? Anyway, after some serious book shopping and a fantastic hot chocolate, we headed to the Olive Garden and let me tell you. IT. WAS. SO. GOOD.  I haven't eaten there in probably two years or more and it was better than I remembered. I had raspberry tea, salad, bread sticks and Seafood Alfredo. MMMMmmmmmmmmm. : )  We are now home a getting ready to finish Season 6 of Weeds!

Another Post to come later on my year as a 29 year old. Should be insightful....and funny too, hopefully!

*What's the Frequency, Kenneth? - R.E.M.

dogs and wine

The more wine I drink, the more creative I get.

and also, the more I love my faithful subjects.

26

The weather today was uncooperative in the extreme. No photo shoot for me. : ( 

However, I made the BEST of my day and spent a good 4 hours snuggling with my main squeeze. We ordered pizza and watched part of the newest season of Weeds. Good times, seriously. I have been little more than a slug today and it has been fabulous. As Beth said, "How many opportunities do you get to spend snuggled up with your husband all day, especially on a Saturday?" I think I can go along with that. : )

There's still a minute possibility that DEC and I might get together and shoot something inside, so even though I really wanted to shoot outdoors, I will take what I can get. Maybe we'll do portraits. We'll see.

I hope you have enjoyed this rainy Saturday as much as I have. This rare gem of a day may be dreary, but sure did sparkle in my eyes!

*Gin Blossoms- Hey Jealousy

busy little bees

I didn't post yesterday, (25) and I am hoping to get 2 posts in today. Sorry for the delay! Yesterday morning I woke up with my hubby! That's a big thing considering the fact that I usually don't remember seeing him in the morning and I don't see him again until about 6:30PM! Anyway, after basking in that, Mark headed to Knoxville to do some shopping at Sam's and I went down to the old shop to help Bill pull up some expanded metal that we need for camping season. After sifting through some of the rubble, (and that was creepy!) we took a few odds and ends down to the shop to the girls. After that I met up with mark at my sisters apartment and got to visit with my mom and grandparents for a while too! : )

Later on, I got to meet Dec! He is the photographer I was telling you about. Last night was note taking and camera holding lessons. Apparently I am doing something right! I hold my camera well! I also got a few tips on how to reduce camera shake by using a tree or my shoulder. : ) I learned a little about Histograms and I am hoping to put that to more practical use this afternoon when I go for my practical lesson!

Dec is not only a kick-ass photographer, but he is also a super cool guy. A Virginia gentleman, with stories out the wazoo. After the lesson, we drank a few and listened to jokes. Beth made a fantastic supper of grilled chicken with stuffed potatoes and pasta salad. YUM YUM YUM. Tonight we are having ribs, and I'm pretty pumped because that woman can COOK.

Mark went to the "Auction" yesterday and got a new double barrel. I'm pretty stoked to see that thing in action. He's just stoked in general.  : )

OK, more on all this later, just wanted to catch up.

*Stranger Inside- Shinedown

more practice and other fun things

10 minutes to spare! Day 24 was productive in an emotional way. I went back to the therapist this afternoon and she says (insert "my therapist says" joke here.) that I have made progress this week. Standing up for myself earns me a gold star! It's also frustrating though because I was like, "OK, what next?!" More of the same. Not that it's a bad thing, but I need more practice, I guess. It's like in school when the teacher assigned a book report not due for three weeks. I would go home and be done in a week. It's HARD knowing there's no goal day in sight and that I can easily beat that goal if I work hard enough. Sigh.... Therapy, man. I'm working on it.

In other news, my birthday is Monday! I'm so excited for this weekend. Mark's off, and we got plans! Tomorrow we are going to an auction and having dinner. Saturday I'm meeting a new friend and getting a photography lesson. This guy (Dec) from Virginia is cousin by marriage to a friend of mine and life long photo bug. He is coming in to visit and my sweet friend Beth and she arranged a lesson for me!  (Side note:  MANDY! I can't wait to see what I come up with, and yes, I promise to share any wealth of information I come across. I promise!) Sunday is still up in the air and Monday I am going to spend with Gia because we have the same birthday! 30 and 89, baby! Here we come!

So, Happy weekend to you!

*James Brown- Please, Please, Please

practice makes perfect

An hour ago, I put some of my "therapy" to use. I had a simple conversation with someone we'll call "Rachel" about the way she makes me feel sometimes. I am constantly fearful that if I tell people how I really feel, that I will be rejected in one way or another. Thus, I hide my feelings and bury them so that I won't be cut out from other peoples lives. The problem with this is that I in turn end up inwardly sad or angry and the person I have those feelings about doesn't realize it because I DON'T TELL THEM.

Turns out, I'm at fault, too. So, I'm trying to make me better. It's not always easy though.

Today was such a rainy, rainy day. Ryan and I snuggled on the couch watching cartoons and it was completely blissful. I can't remember the last time let me cuddle him for even five minutes, let alone two whole hours! We always have a good time when we get together! I love that little guy!

Now, I am making a pizza for Mark and I to enjoy on this blah evening. I'm hoping for some more cuddle time tonight. Man, I sure am needy!

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go- Wham!

a lady, a baby, an older lady and some mexican

Holly took me out today for an early birthday lunch! It was absolutely yummy and she and I (and out super cute mini date, Ryan) had the best time. Anyone that knows me, knows I LOVE MEXICAN! We were able to eat outside on the patio and the weather was warm and lovely. Ryan pitched bits of his quesadilla and fries across the balcony to the birds. He kept asking us why the birds wouldn't come near him, and when we started laughing, he started laughing. He said, "that is SO funny, dude!" He truly is an amazing little boy. My sister has done an excellent job with him- but I could just be bias. : )

So, a big thank you goes out to my sister today! Thank you for the fun and wonderful lunch! Love ya, sis!

Now, I am planning on heading outside to plant a few more flowers. I hope the yard is full of them this year! 22 days down....less than a week until I am 30!

Get out and enjoy the sunshine!

*Be Somebody- Kings of Leon

Twen-tee-one

My day started early. I was wide awake at 5AM with a belly ache. Mark was already up and showered, getting ready for work. It's not too often that he sees me at that time of day and I guess when he saw me tromping up the the stairs, hair flying in twenty one different directions and still in my underwear and t-shirt, I sort of scared him.

M: "Damn baby, you're up early."
H: "....................."

M: "You're in a good mood. Why are you even walking around? It's not even light out yet."
H: "....................."

M: " You know you could talk to me... I never get a coherent response out of you before I leave for work."
H: "Where is the pepto?"

M: "See? You're not even making sense right now."
H: "What about me asking you for the pepto didn't you understand?"

M: "There's my girl. Have a good day. Love you...."


yeah, I'm so not a morning person. My bellyache did go away eventually but I never really went back to sleep. Ryan got here around 11:30. We spent the day running errands. He is such a joy!

Not 10 minutes ago, right as I was starting this post, Mark was heading to bed. I kissed him goodnight like I always do and told him to have a good day tomorrow and that I loved him. He disappeared for a few minutes and returned when the following conversation ensued....

M: "There are no sheets on the bed."

H: "Oops. Yeah, I forgot to put them back on. I washed them today. They are in the dryer."

M: "Yeah, I know."

H: "So you trudged back upstairs because your arms and legs are broken to tell me that there are no sheets on the bed?"

M: "Help me."

H: "No."

M: "C'mon. Please?"

H: "Sorry, I'm busy blogging. Can't you see how important my work is here? I am changing lives!"

M: "You can blog about this conversation if you help me put the sheets on. it will only take a minute."

H: "I'm going to do that anyway. Because you amaze me."

M: "I amaze you?"

H: "Yeah. It amazes me that you think you can bargain with me about blogging and laundry."

M: "Touche.......Are you gonna help me though?"

H: "Of course I am. I just wanted to give you a hard time."

M: "Thanks babe. What would I do without you?"

H: "You'd never wash your sheets is what I'm guessing."

Man, I love that guy.  : )

*Oh Shelia- De-Javu

Twenty

Today was a wonderful day. The weather was wonderful, I got no phone calls and I spent some quality time with my main man.

We spent the afternoon just doing stuff together. We cleaned out his truck and went over to visit with his parents for a while. Later on, we came home and he made me dinner- shrimp, fillet and tenderloin (all grilled) and rice with broccoli. After that we spent a few hours out on the back porch playing Angry Birds on Mark's new iPhone. : )  Simple and wonderful.

And sorely needed. Mark has worked his butt off this month and I have missed him dearly. It's incredibly hard for me to imagine what it would be like if he were in the military or drove a truck or even worked out of town for a living like my dad did. I just wouldn't make it, I don't think. I am simply not cut out for that kind of lifestyle. When it comes to my husband, I need him close by. I need him to confide in and act stupid around. Really, I just need to be around him.

My birthday is one week from tomorrow. I had originally thought that he and I would take a little road trip just the two of us. Now I am thinking I really don't care what we do. As long as we're together. : )Aw....feel free to throw tomatoes at me the next time you see me, because I am such a sap!

I hope your weekend was as lovely as mine was....

Happy week!

*Cheeseburger in Paradise- Jimmy Buffett

18 and 19 Combined

I can't believe I forgot to post yesterday! Not the first time I have neglected my duties, but I have posted everyday of March and was doing fairly well! Alas, yesterday and today were days of fun and excitment, and I am using that as my excuse for the late posting. : )

Yesterday Mark grilled Tuna Steaks, Squash and Zuccini on the grill and then he and I plus my sweet Coco ate out on the back porch and enjoyed the evening together. After it got late and Mark started sneezing, we came inside and watched Get Low. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend it. It's about a man from Tennessee who attends his own funeral while still alive. Bill Murray and Robert Duvall star in it. So Good!

Today Courtney and I got up early and packed a picnic and headed out to Ozone. We just needed a girls day and had planned to do it earlier in the week. We packed (and Courtney cooked and prepared) pasta salad, chicken salad, bread, boursin cheese, crackers and red velvet mini cupcakes. We also toted a bottle of champagne out there. I think several people thought we were on a date. (Not that we really care, but I guess it did sort of appear that way to some of the people out there.)

The day really was worth all of those pestering things that Coco is doing to me right now as I post this. They (she and MARK) are bugging the ever loving shit out of me as I write, so I am signing out.

Love to all....

*Red, Red Wine- UB40

spring is in the air

Day 16. Today I had my second appointment with the psychologist and she has confirmed that I am crazy. : ) Just kidding, she says a lot that I'm not gonna talk about here, but I really like this chick. On to the rest of my day!

After my appointment, I came home and planted Cannes. I am super excited about this and pray that they bloom and don't get taken under my a hard freeze. Luckily, it's St. Patricks Day and that will keep LUCK on my side! I also dug up my elephant Ears and moved them to the other side of the house so that they have plenty of room to spread out. Those things get massive in the summer and they were just taking up too much room where they were residing. I put out more food in my bird feeder and checked the contents of my kitchen compost to see how it was coming along. It looks disgusting, so I am guessing that means I am right on target.

After all of that, I decided to go and lay in the backyard in this mess...

and Magoosley decided to join me.

I also took a few pictures of the cool stuff we bought to spice up our back porch...

There are two other signs, one that says, "You are making me nervous." and "People will tell you a lot if you listen." We found all of it at Burke's over in Rockwood for super cheap! The lizard is my favorite. : ) Aside from that, I have just been enjoying the sunshine. Mark has to work tomorrow and Saturday, not looking forward to that, but Coco is coming to stay Friday night and she and I are going for a hike and a picnic, best friend style. Those pictures should be entertaining.

Much love and rays of sunshine to you on this St. Patricks Day!

*Ace of Spades- Motorhead

Picasso in my dining room

Day 15. Can't believe I have written everyday! I'm rather proud of that! Ryan is here today, making the day special on its own and we decided to do a little painting. He's so into colors and talking so well these days! Every time I gave him a new color he'd say "Thank you, Hedda!" He is just happy as a clam and being around him brings so much love and light into my day! Here are a few pictures of the future Picasso...

PS.... I don't know if I mentioned...this baby got a haircut. I miss his locks!

He is just so much fun. I love being a kid when he's around! : ) Happy Wednesday to you!

*Cherry Bomb- The Runaways

bookshelf and light

14 days down....Today has been a really good day. I didn't really do a whole lot, but my time was spent wisely today and that seems so rare. I took Holly and Ryan to visit with my mom. She is doing so much better today and she has no bruising somehow, even though all of the airbags in her car deployed. It's a possibility that the bruises my not show until tomorrow, but for now she seems to be doing so well. I am so happy and grateful. I spent some time with my grandparents today, just us and Ryan while mom and Holly went to survey the damage to the car. The four of us ate brownies and made animal shapes from play-doh at the kitchen table that I used to sit and play at as a child. It was just a really nice afternoon. After dropping Holly at work, Ryan and I came back to my house and made sandwiches and watched 'Megamind'. After his other sweet Aunt, Mary Ann, came to pick him up I sat and read until Mark got home. We sat quietly together in the office, me reading and him checking emails and returning messages. A little while later he spoke saying "Heather, look at the sun hitting those bushes... they look like like neon...only on fire..."

and so they do....

I was so glad Mark glanced up at just the right moment and spoke. Not only would I have missed that beautiful scene, I wouldn't have been able to share it with him.  After taking pictures, we got up and together made one of our favorite suppers...one we like to call BRINNER (breakfastfordinner). He made the bacon, because he does it best. I made the eggs, scrambled soft, just the way we like them. We had toast and fruit and orange juice. Mark went to bed shortly after brinner. I, up until about 20 minutes ago, plowed my way through the rest of The Help. 

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This book is one of the most inspiring books I've read since Eat Pray Love. It's just a beautiful book. The short version of what its about would be a women who dares to write a book about the lives of "the help" during the early 1960's. "THe Help" actually helps her write the book and somehow the find a kind of friendship somewhere in the middle. The maids were black women who weren't treated well back then by most. It's hard to believe that those times aren't so far behind us, and that some people still treat not only women of color and all other nationalities this way, but they mistreat the men, too. I can't even wrap my head around the concept well enough to tell anyone properly, but if you want to read something informative, slightly thrilling and at the same time uplifting, this book is going to make it's mark on your soul. I really really loved it. I love Aibileen, Minny and Skeeter SO MUCH right now.

*Don't Go Breakin' My Heart- Jesse McCartney

family stuff

Thirteen is traditionally an unlucky number. Today is not the thirteenth, it's the fourteenth. Today is the 13th day of 30 days of 30 and it was unlucky.....for my mom. This morning, my mom was in a wreck. She is at home resting now, but her car is probably totaled. I got the call at 6:31AM this morning. She was in the back of an ambulance headed to the hospital. Scared the living shit out of me. I made it the hospital at turtle pace. People were on their way to work and school and I hit every traffic zone imaginable. I'm really hoping I didn't get my picture taken for speeding. : (

Anyway, like I said, she's home resting now and going to be fine according to the doctor. I'm just so grateful she is OK. When I got home, I called my Aunt C. to tell her what had happened and we had the most amazing conversation. It felt so good to be able to confide in her and reconnect. I really needed that.

Keep my mama in your prayers.... Love to all...

*California Dreamin- The Mamas and The Papas

creativity

I finally managed to get with it on my signs and they look amazing! We also opened our back porch for business today, which is where I currently sit, drinking a Stella and enjoying the ambient lighting. There really is NOTHING like being outside. I haven't taken any pictures in a few days and hope to remedy that very soon. Mark's worked all weekend, and I aim to spend some quality time with him before he goes to bed. The Stella is making me feel like a rock star.

That's all for today! 12 days down!

Much Love....


*Free as a Bird- The Beatles

lovely eleven

Today (day 11!) has been lovely. Simply put, I have followed my own agenda, because Mark is working all day today and tomorrow. He took me out yesterday (after passing his CORE exam) and together we picked out some things for the back porch. We found some really cute signs and a few object de artos. We also got a center plate for our table and picked out some candles and beads to go in it. Today, after finishing The Girl That Kicked The Hornet's Nest, I got out on the back porch and started scrubbing away winters funk. It's simply glorious outside, and I don't want to waste too much time on the computer, so I will make the rest of my post quickly. I'm re-potting some geraniums to add to both the front and back porch and this evening I am spending with my lovely. I miss him when he works this much.....

Hope your day is going splendiddly....

*Slow Ride- Foghat

Ten

Today is day 10 of 30 days of 30. Re-read that sentence. I had to and I wrote it. Anyway, mother nature gave me something to write about today and I reckon she is pissed off. Japan suffered at the hands of a huge earthquake. It hit 8.9 on the Richter scale- which as I understand it, is the 5th largest earthquake in history. It didn't end there. The earthquake caused tsunami waves in Hawaii, which is more than 3,000 miles away. Holy HugeWaves Batman. Mark's cousin K.D. lives in Hawaii, but we heard from her mother early this morning and she, her boyfriend and their dogs (yay!) made it to high ground in plenty of time, thank goodness.

*Source

I'm ashamed to admit that I thought a tsunami was a sort of storm. (am I the ONLY one who thought this?) Anyway, I looked it up, because according to news reports, that didn't really go along with what I was thinking. According to wikipedia, a tsunami is is a series of water waves (called a tsunami wave train) caused by the displacement of a large volume of a body of water, usually an ocean, but can occur in large lakes. Tsunamis are a frequent occurrence in Japan; approximately 195 events have been recorded. Owing to the immense volumes of water and the high energy involved, tsunamis can devastate coastal regions. Tsunami's have been called Tidal Waves in the past. (That makes more sense to me now...) OK, now I get it... The shock waves from the earthquake created waves which spread out as far as coastal California. That's some serious vibration, if you ask me.

I hope KD in Hawaii gets back home soon...and Cassie in California says she's on Tsunami watch, but I hope she keeps her ass inside, because she LIVES on a boat. Stay safe girls... Love you both...

Brain Waves Disturbia

Today I am having lunch with one of my favorite people in the world and then I am going to see a psychologist to find out whats wrong with my brain. : ) Day 9, here I come. It's nothing to worry about, but thats the exact problem. I worry entirely too much and about things which I cannot possibly control. So, I am going to go see this lady and see if she can help me manage my worrying. I have seen a psychologist before and he was a tremendous help in giving me tools to help manage my emotions. There have been so many things occur over the past year- both within my family and outside of it, that I feel like I haven't really dealt with anything. I've placed band aids over bullet holes and things just haven't healed properly. That's all I will say about that.

I'm pretty darn happy about my decision. At anyrate, I am doing something for me.  It's Heather for the win- FOR HEATHER.

*Culture Club- Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (how fitting is that?)

The Girl That Played With Fire

Today I finished The Girl That Played With Fire and it was sooooo good. I actually liked it more than The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and for several reasons. First off, the book just flowed better. In The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, it started slow and ended that way too. I realize some people may criticize me for saying that, and don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed it, but the mystery was solved a good 100 pages before the book actually ended. Not until the last three pages did I again get excited. That said, The Girl That Played With Fire was slow in places too, but was thrilling right up until the end. That's one of the best parts of a book for me. It leaves you wanting more. The other thing that made me like "fire"  better, was that I already had a sense of Larsson's flow and wording. He's Swiss and they speak a little differently, so that was hard to get a grip on in the beginning. The Girl That Played With Fire was one of the best reads I've seen in a while. I highly recommend you go out and get it. Then stay up all night reading it, just like I did. : )

This afternoon I plan to wash my sheets, do a little painting project for a friend and then start The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest (third book in the Millennium Trilogy). Super thrilling, no? Well, I'm excited. Day 8 is chugging right along!

*Starship- We Built This City

Lent

Hey...no I'm not Catholic, but the idea always intrigues me about Lent. Wikipedia states that Lent is "in the Christian tradition,  the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, alms giving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Conventionally, it is described as being forty days long, though different denominations calculate the forty days differently. The forty days represent the time that, according to the Bible, Jesus spent in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by Satan."

OK. There are about a 100 things I can think of to give up for Lent, but most prominently the thing I think I would benefit from is giving up the word "YES." I saw yes far too often, and most always at my own expense. Giving up "yes" will allow me to focus more on myself and also allow me to devote more time in my life to God. My sweet friend Mandy over at Knieses' Pieces was saying on facebook this morning she was having trouble deciding what to give up for Lent. When she said that, it occurred to be that I didn't really know anything about Lent aside that you were supposed to give something up for a while. Perhaps she will have more insight for me, but I can't thank her enough for putting the idea in my head.

So, I'm giving up Yes for God, and it makes me feel pretty good to say it and think about it. Special thanks to God for putting Mandy on my friends list.  : )

So for day 7, I plan to get closer to God and hopefully throughout the rest of this process, I will learn somethng too.

*O River- Central Funktion

creativity

Today (day 6) I got in touch with my creative side and went to Walmart and bought painting supplies. I bought several canvases, some brushes and some paint. I also got pots to re-pot some of my flowers that I managed to move inside before winter got to them. They are now huge and hopefully not root bound. I also bought some Cannes (or Caneys as we in the south like to call them) and am hoping to get them planted in place of my elephant ears sometime this week. I'm moving the elephant ears around to the side of the house where they can take over the way they want to. In short, I will be painting and planting for the next few days. : )

Ryan picked out a little pot and some flowers to put in it too. Pictures of that to come soon. : )

Yesterday I also had a little melt down. I've been feeling that need to cry for several days now, and yesterday it came to a head. Luckily, I have a man and a woman in my life who are strong enough to catch me when I fall. I just need to learn that when I need that safety net, it's there, and to not be terrified to use it.

*Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster- Geto Boys

power nap

Day five and today I finished The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo and took a nice long power nap. The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo was a wonderful read. I got through it fairly quickly considering the number of times I had to put it down. Stieg Larsson was a phenomenal writer. The book centers around sexual violence against women and parts of it are really twisted. (Right up my alley.- the weirder the better, I say!) An author is trying to find out what happened back in the sixties with a wealthy buisness mans neice who mysteriously dissapears. It's pretty thrilling! I'm starting The Girl Who Played with Fire tonight. I expect it will be pretty awesome as well.

I realized today when I had nothing better to report than my nap and finishing of a great book, that not everyday can be something fantastically special. That's part of life, and I accept that. That said, today was a pretty great day. Even though it rained, it was the perfect day to nap and read and eat too much.

I hope your weekend was amazing....


*Mr. Roboto- Styx

fowl play

Day 4 and I do not disappoint you. Today I ate flying prime rib and beheaded two pheasants.

All in a days work. : ) The picture is of POOR quality because Mark took it with his cell phone. Anyway, those are pheasants in the bowl, and shortly thereafter, I removed their heads from their bodies. I have a special set of skills, people. The flying prime rib (Canadian goose- YUM!) we prepared fairly rare with a horseradish cream sauce. Can I just tell you? It was so GOOD.
Thanks to Bill and Beth for helping me make day 4 something to remember!

Black and Yellow- Wiz Khalifa

day 3

The kitchen compost is coming along nicely. I would post a picture, but tell me, do you really want a picture of decaying fruit and vegetables? I think not. So far there are banana peels and some onion and pepper scraps. I am sure I will have coffee grounds to add through the weekend as well, as Mark drinks it like a fiend on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Last night I set my alarm for no reason. I didn't have to be anywhere or have anything in particular on my agenda, but I thought that sounded like a boring day and decided to do whatever my heart so desired when I got up. This morning I got up, had breakfast (greek yogurt with honey and banana- YUM!) After breakfast and a few chapters of The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, I decided that I would get out and tackle some serious yard work. I raked the flower beds and bagged leaves for the majority of today and even though I am a little sore, I feel fabulous. Mother Nature is treating me right! I also got the house clean and dinner is ready to be cooked.

I'm hoping for Margaritas later on the back porch. : )

*Help Me Rhonda- The Beach Boys

stately

I sent a message to my Senator a few weeks ago about cutting the funding to Headstart, and today I got a response! It feels good to have a say so in government decisions and I hope to hear more back from Senator Bob Corker!

I also came up with a pretty good quote/mantra last night as I was falling asleep.

"Nuture yourself. It is solely your responsibility. "  -Me!

*Red, Red Wine- UB40

anonymous

I got a comment from someone I don't know! Today is a cool day! (Day 2 of the 30 days of 30 started out smashingly!) So, Sarah thinks I should create a kitchen compost as one of the cool things I do this month, and I am taking her advice.

If you want to try it too, Here's how:

Getting Started With Kitchen Composting


Anyone can start composting in their kitchen right now. All it takes is a container with a lid. Now there are plenty of commercial composting buckets, pails and bins you can buy of course - and there are even kitchen composter devices you can buy too. These are conveniences only though. They’re not required.
As I already stated, all you need is some sort of container with a lid. The size of the container you use will depend on what all you will add to the compost pile, how large your family is, and how much food you eat.
Easy compost bins I’ve used to start with in the past include: A glass storage/canning jar, a plastic ice cream bucket, an old insulated picnic cooler, and generic storage bins bought at places like Walmart.
By sitting a small container, bucket, pail or jar off to one side on the kitchen counter, you’ll be able to easily grab it to add things to as you’re cooking.

What Kitchen Scraps To Add


The kitchen scraps you choose to add to your compost pile will vary based on your family, your compost capacity, and your goals.
Most people who are limited on space for the compost piles tend to only add organic fruit and vegetable matter to their compost. When you’re cutting up an apple for example, the core and stem can be added to the compost bucket. Potato peelings can too, onion skins, tomato tops, etc.
Anything left over from fruits or vegetables - even if it’s already started going bad - can be added to your kitchen compost bucket.
Coffee and tea grounds should also be added to this bucket, because these make rich fertilizers. In fact, I’ve made kitchen compost with only coffee and tea grounds in the past and it works wonderfully. You can add the tea bags, strings and all, plus you can add the coffee filters too.
Paper is a wonderful addition to compost piles but not everyone adds much of it, particularly in the kitchen. I tend to toss in the paper package tea bags come in, and I’ll even tear up the cardboard box and add it to the compost bin too.
Now, most people will tell you not to add dairy products, cooked food, or meat products to your kitchen compost. I believe the primary reason for this is because you can end up with much more stink and smell when you add these things. Fruit and vegetable matter don’t really smell when they’re decomposing, but meat and milk do. These items can also draw the attention of bugs and mice.
I personally believe anything that can rot is fair game for adding to the compost pile. Admittedly I’ll toss the stinky stuff in the outside compost pile though, instead of putting it in the kitchen bucket. Compost only those items you’re comfortable composting, and you’ll be fine.

What Can’t Be Composted

There are things that cannot be composted though, so these cannot be added at all because they don’t break down and decompose. These are usually man made materials. Metal cans for example, won’t rot away and create compost for you, and neither will plastic bags or bottles.

Getting Finished Compost


If you’re using small jars or buckets to put your kitchen scraps and organic waste into, you’ll find that it needs to be emptied once in awhile. Some families need to empty the kitchen compost bucket several times each week while others get away with just doing it once a week.
To empty your kitchen compost container, simply dump it into a larger compost bin. This bin can be tucked away into the corner of the pantry, closet, or utility room if you don’t have a yard to put it in. If you do have outdoor space though, put a larger compost bin, tumbler or container outside. This way when you need to empty the kitchen scrap bucket, you can simply dump it into the larger one.
As the kitchen scraps break down and decay, they’ll take up much less space too. So even if it looks like your compost bin is starting to get full fast, you’ll notice in just a few weeks that it’s broken down and is taking up 1/2-1/3 or less space.
Getting finished compost can take time. There are a variety of things that come into play with the process, including what types of material you add to your compost pile, whether or not you’re adding compost activators, how much air the compost is getting, and whether or not you’re turning it regularly.
None of the above is actually needed to make compost. If you leave the compost pile to sit untouched, you’ll find it rich and ready in about a year. If you decide to take some of the steps to speed things up though, you can have some of the compost finished and ready to be used within 4-6 weeks.


Source
 
 
Thank you Sarah for your suggestion. I'm going to get on it tomorrow!
Stay tuned! 
 
*Mr. Tambourine Man- The Byrds

Birthday Month!

That's right y'all! I turn 30 this month! (29 the sequel, not so much. I think I am going to own 30, like the big girl that I am.) What would my birthday month be without a project? 30 days of 30 I think is what it will be, so I will have two post birthday posts since my birthday is the 28th.  So, I am leaving two of them up to you guys. I plan to do something interesting and document it here daily. (Hopefully.) SO. You've read my life list...and if you haven't it's over there ---->.

My first cool thing for 30 days of 30 is figuring out how to do this picture thing. All by myself. Think of something cooler than that. Because I am thinking it's already pretty lame.

So pick something. Anything. Preferably within the continental US. As this was a spur of the moment decision, it's gotta be pretty cheap. Help me out. : )

*Up Around the Bend- CCR

Sunshine and Happiness

I kept these two sweet angels today.

Olivia

   Ryan

Days like today make me wonder in the delight of being a child.

*Boston- Peace of Mind

Flood Waters

I don't know what it is about thunderstorms that make me sleep so well. Yesterday I did not crawl out of bed until much later than I would like to admit. It was pouring. Raining cats and dogs. Like pouring piss out of a boot. I probably should have built an ark. My dogs did not want to go out into the rain, so they did the holding dance for about 30 minutes on the back porch until Saber finally gave in. Some things are just more important than being a diva, I suppose. The other dogs followed suit and I allowed them back inside for the rest of the day. It rained for what seemed like forever.... Mark got off of work early, and I asked him to please drive me around so I could get some pictures.

I am so glad he obliged me. The sky after this storm was breathtaking.

The field across from RCHS

The field in front of El-Jon

Beautiful Sky...also taken on El-Jon.

*Dream On- Aerosmith