Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Thirty- Insight

My last post of the 30 days of 30 starts now. : ) I can't say how good it has felt, writing each day. Granted, most of the stuff is boring to most people probably, but I can't help but think that it hones my writing skills and helps to clear my mind. Most of the stuff I write about here is family related or event related, but it felt so good to write about the everyday normal happenings as well. My blog has become a diary of sort in the last month. A diary that is in no way personal or private because, well, it's at the mercy of the Internet. It also feels pretty damn good to acknowledge to other people that I am not a perfect person, daughter, sister, wife or friend, but what I have learned (and will probably have to continue to learn) is that no one is perfect at anything they do. Even star athletes, celebrities and rocket scientists have off days. While other peoples lives may certainly seem perfect, they are in fact flawed as well. Some people are just afraid to admit it and try to keep up the facade of a picture perfect life. That said, I don't know which is harder...struggling to admit our imperfections or struggling to hide them.

From here on out, I may or may not post everyday. As much as I would like to, I also really need a job. I'm fortunate enough to stay home, but not sane enough to do it all day by myself. I need more interaction with people than just the Internet and Facebook, and that's a totally different compulsion all together. Turning thirty did have its thought provoking side and there are a more than a few things I have realized about myself.  1. I may be a hypochondriac. 2. I have to stop setting myself up for expectations for which I cannot possibly attain. 3. I need to work on me. A whole lot. The things I'm doing to remedy these things? 1. Today I had a physical. Yes, I faced fate and after blood results come in tomorrow, I will know pretty resolutely if there is anything wrong with me other than being crazy. 2. I'm setting smaller goals and going to try to maintain attainable parameters of each one. 3. I'm in therapy. There are just somethings (at this point) which I cannot discuss with the Internet. This is frustrating because I really love to spill my guts about most things here and there are just a few things that are untouchable, but only because they are not my stories to tell.

There is something I would like to tell all of you. You being any person that stumbles across this blog post and who cares about me. Many of you do not realize how nice it is to have someone who will listen silently, or give constructive feedback and I am sure there is an equal number of you who do know how nice that feels. So, thank you for listening. From the bottom of my heart. Especially when I get on tangents or feel low and sound depressing. Thank you for understanding. Thanks for liking me anyway.

*How Deep is Your Love- The Bee Gees


Mandy said...

We're here for you!

Ellis Island said...

Thanks, Mandy! You are the BEST!

Sarah said...

I may not always comment, but I do read. :)

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