Wednesday, March 23, 2011

practice makes perfect

An hour ago, I put some of my "therapy" to use. I had a simple conversation with someone we'll call "Rachel" about the way she makes me feel sometimes. I am constantly fearful that if I tell people how I really feel, that I will be rejected in one way or another. Thus, I hide my feelings and bury them so that I won't be cut out from other peoples lives. The problem with this is that I in turn end up inwardly sad or angry and the person I have those feelings about doesn't realize it because I DON'T TELL THEM.

Turns out, I'm at fault, too. So, I'm trying to make me better. It's not always easy though.

Today was such a rainy, rainy day. Ryan and I snuggled on the couch watching cartoons and it was completely blissful. I can't remember the last time let me cuddle him for even five minutes, let alone two whole hours! We always have a good time when we get together! I love that little guy!

Now, I am making a pizza for Mark and I to enjoy on this blah evening. I'm hoping for some more cuddle time tonight. Man, I sure am needy!

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go- Wham!


Mandy said...

I'm kind of the same way. I tend to not tell people when they hurt my feelings and then sometimes that turns into resentment. I've been doing better about being assertive and also telling people when they do something that hurts my feelings in an effort to make the friendship better. With certain people it works very well and we can move forward. With others, they get so defensive and start acting like jerks. Sometimes, with growth comes pain, but you're a better person in the long run!

Ellis Island said...

Thanks, Mandy. I'm trying, and that is all I can do. My feelings are out there. My part is done. It felt so liberating doing such a smal thing like that. Strange, huh?

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